Mutual Understanding. It’s Complicated. Open Relationship. Friends with Benefits. Seeing each other but no commitment. No Strings Attached.
I don’t know about you guys but all these “definitions” of “relationships” are big question marks to me. I’m befuddled to be perfectly honest. People might tell me that I’m simply being conservative and I’d have to be in the situation to understand but I really don’t get it – all of it.
Maybe I just see things too much in the black and white (so to speak). To me it’s either you’re a couple or you’re not. It’s as simple as that. Why do we have to make things harder than they’re supposed to be by coming up with all these terms and placing ourselves and our relationships in the context of these definitions?
Why should a relationship be “complicated”? I’ve heard people say this when they are in a relationship with someone who is “in the middle of breaking up with someone” or that other person is “not ready to be open with the relationship yet.” Seriously, if that person is in a DEFINED and SOLID COMMITMENT WITH ANOTHER person, why get in that complicated relationship in the first place?
If a person loves you and cares enough about you, that person should do everything it takes to make sure that he or she can show the same amount of commitment you’re willing to give. Let us not be martyrs…we live in the new millennium and we still treat ourselves like emotional crap. We deserve better than that.
Speaking of deserving better, I think the same goes for those with “mutual understandings.” People who say they are in an open relationship or are seeing each other with no commitment also fall into this category. Why see someone and have a “relationship” with someone if they are free to see someone else? Why tell each other that you love and care about each other but not be able to commit? Isn’t that what relationships are about?
Being someone who has experienced the whole MU thing I think we continue to make excuses for ourselves because of a fear of being alone and the false hope that one day, there will be a commitment. Like I said, it’s either you are or you aren’t. There should not be a fine line in between. Yes, you can date and see people and get to know someone but I think that somewhere down the line, you need to decide if you can commit or not.
The biggest and most befuddling concept for me would still have to be the whole “friends with benefits” thing. You’re not in a commitment but you can have sex with each other, no strings attached. I do not get that. I will not apologize for being conservative by this modern and liberated world’s standards but I just do not agree with this. I think we make light of this form of intimacy by having it not mean anything but the satisfaction of our physical urges with people we don’t even have an intimate relationship with. Sex is not just sex. It is not just physical. I don’t understand how people can do this and have no sense of emotional attachment whatsoever with the other person. To me that act of sex is a commitment in itself, which is why I don’t understand how casually people treat it these days with these FWBs and one night stands and such.
Before I hear the riot act from people who are not as befuddled as I am, I’m not saying that none of these relationships end up in happy and life-long relationships; I’m just saying that these are not for me and I have seen my fair share of these things that did not work out.
I know I know…people will say that I am only bitter because I am not in a relationship and that’s why I pick on all these “relationships.” But here’s the thing: I am single because I REFUSE to settle for relationships that do not involve any commitment. I will happily pass on the heartache that I’ve seen people go through because they want a commitment but the other party refuses to do so, ergo settling for the relationships that I just mentioned in this post.
If there is a guy out there who will get to know me and who I will get to know and fall for; if that guy will make the effort to show me that he can commit to me, then I will have a relationship. Till that time comes, I will continue to watch and be perplexed as the rest of the world dabbles in all these “relationships.”
Good luck to all of us who are still in search for love. I hope we all find it.
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